Bath mornings were difficult at Gibi's because Peter hated bucket baths (something I love myself). He didn't believe that he could wash himself that way, but he hated it when I did it. He has always had sensory issues and does not like to be touched. Well ... clarification: he loves to be touched but only when he initiates it and only in a firm way (e.g. hugs).
Though he was very proud of how he looked in his Indian outfit, at SICW he initially refused to let anyone take his picture. (This is typical behavior at home). When we went to see the rooms where he lived as a baby and play with the babies currently in the nursery, he was very reserved. He loved meeting all of the massis ("I am Rohit and I come from America") but didn't want to hold any babies because "I might drop them".
After an hour of baby-cuddling we went back to the SICW offices for a special "welcome home". In front of the entire staff, he was garlanded with a cool, fragrant mala of lilies and roses. He didn't like the feel of it and immediately took it off. It took a lot of begging to get him to put it back on for photos, but Sheela Adiga, assistant director of SICW eventually persuaded him. Then we were served delicious Bengali sweets and cold Coke. Peter didn't talk much and responded to questions monosyllabically. It was especially hard for him being the center of attention.
Finally, Peter's records were produced. While we all watched, he paged through all of the updates we'd sent over the years and pored over the photos of him as a baby and younger child. Then came all of his official Indian documents. I read bits to him and explained the rest. He got a little upset when he saw himself referred to as "abandoned" in his guardianship documents. He knew he wasn't abandoned, and clearly this bothered him.
Finally he reached the last page in his file, the surrender document signed by his birthmother. He learned her name and age. He found out that he was born at 10 a.m. He heard the reason why she had to relinquish him. And then ... there was her thumbprint. At first he touched it gingerly with a quizzical look. Then he rested his thumb there, turned to me and said, "Mom. It fits".
Most of the adults in the room were choking back tears. He sat silently for a long while, reading the surrender to himself again and again. Periodically he ran his hand across his eyes in a gesture that can only be described as anguish. He put a finger and thumb up to the inside corners of his eyes to block any tears.
I practiced silent weeping with great external calm. We talked about how this document proved that he really was relinquished, not abandoned. He nodded and was glad.
Peter has always been a crier. The smallest thing can set off an attack of wailing. Most of the time he doesn't shed tears. He seems to have no control over these spells. But this time I saw him doing everything he could to maintain his composure. I told him it was OK to cry, but he said, "I"m not crying, Mom, really.".
"Then why are you wiping your eyes?"
A moment of eye contact and a nod. He knew I knew, but he wanted to keep it private. My public wailer didn't want anyone to see that he was crying.
At that point I went over to Sheela, who has been a wonderful friend all these years, and we both flung our arms around each other and sobbed. She whispered, "It's not fair". I said, "I know, I know". But then we had to pull ourselves together, for Peter's sake. And then it was time to go.
Sheela had been reading this blog and knew that Peter had given Jaya-aunty his treasure box back in Bangalore. She told him that she'd heard he needed a new treasure box and gave him a lovely wooden box with stone inlay on the top, along with a small painting on silk to hang in his room. Peter spontaneously hugged each staff member saying "Thank you, I love you!". He and Sheela embraced for a long time. She kissed the top of his head. "I love you, Peter".
"I love you too, Sheela-aunty. I'll miss you a lot".
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
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