Be careful what you wish for

Peter's been obese for a long time, ever since he started taking medication for his bipolar disorder when he was eight.  In just a few months, he transformed from a "skinny midget" into a short hulk.  He put on weight so fast that his skin nearly popped -- as evidenced by huge stretch marks all over his body.

Well, Peter is ... finally ... losing weight.

I said to Carl the other day that I thought Peter had lost weight.  When you see someone every day, you don't notice things as readily as you otherwise would.  But I didn't think about it much.  Today I took Peter for a much-delayed haircut.  Our haircutter Mira, who has known him since he was 6, took one look at him and said, "Wow, Peter, you've lost weight!"  She hadn't seen him in about 10 weeks.

When we got home I snapped a quick picture of Peter and then rummaged for the last weight measurement we took.  It's undated, but it says 4'7", 134 lb.  I managed to persuade Peter to get on the scale just now, and his weight measurement was 119.5.  No wonder his clothes are swimming on him.

He likes to wear an old t-shirt for haircuts, so that his other shirt doesn't get prickly.  Today when he put it on, his belly didn't stick out like it used to.  That is a HUGE weight loss in just a short time.  I have to believe that it is a result of his bone marrow failure, but it's hard for me to understand how.  His white count is low, which means a weak immune system, and it's true he's had a string of mild colds, but he's always recovered quickly and hasn't been at all anorexic.  (He was very anorexic as a baby and toddler, so I know it when I see it!)

His red count went up a little the last time we measured, though it is still very low.  He should be acting very sluggish.  I don't know ... is he?  He isn't complaining about being tired all the time the way he was in the fall.  With the weight he's been carrying, he hasn't been terribly athletic, and it's the middle of the winter.  He does seem to be sleeping a little more, but is that just my imagination?

And then there are the platelets.  They affect clotting, but I can't see that they could affect his weight.  We had hoped that when Peter went through puberty, he would grow a little taller and slim down a little.  Well, we now know that he'll never have puberty, so it just seems inconceivable that this weight loss could be a result of normal developmental factors.

I go for days or even weeks without thinking about Peter's illness.  Well ... no ... people do ask me how he's doing, and I say, "he's still asymptomatic -- isn't that amazing?"  But I don't really think about it, or feel about it.  Today when Mira exclaimed about his appearance, a knife turned in my belly and a sob rose in my throat, just like that.  Then Peter mentioned how much he's looking forward to SPICE Indian heritage camp in June.  I know all of our friends there are looking forward to seeing him too.  And it might ...

...

I'm waiting a couple of months between blood tests these days.  In a couple of weeks, we'll do another.  I hardly know what to wish for.  It may be time for some new clothes.  He's quietly thrilled to be slimmer.  We should celebrate.

               Peter now ...                                               ... and Peter last July at SPICE